Do you ever feel like you’re there but not really there???
Like, you’re physically where your feet are planted but your brain is somewhere else?
If you’re anything like me you might have burned dinner on the stove once or twice- not from not knowing HOW to cook but from thinking about the emails that still need a response while you’re making dinner and then thinking that you actually have time to squeeze in a quick reply.
Or have you ever zoned out in a work meeting because your brain went on high alert when someone mentioned that it’s Tuesday and now you have to mentally scan the house to think about where your daughter left her gymnastics leotard so you can easily find it when you get home?
Or have you ever replayed a conversation you had earlier in the day while actually engaged in a conversation at home with a loved one? This one I think tends to feel the worst when you notice it happening.
If you’ve answered yes to any of these examples I’m not surprised to hear that!
As working professionals we get pulled into a lot of directions and our mind is prone to wander. In fact; it’s not entirely your fault that your brain wanders.
“In 2010, Harvard psychologists Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert conducted a study with 2,250 subjects, checking with them at random times (via a phone app) to record what they were doing at that moment and what their mind was focused on. A quarter-million data points later, they determined that the test subjects (and all of us by extrapolation), had wandering minds, i.e. were not paying attention/fully engaged with what was right in front of them — a whopping 47 percent of the time.
And here’s the real kicker, the study further determined that a wandering mind is not a happy mind, as not being present in the moment was the cause of test subjects who reported unhappiness, not the consequence. As Killingsworth reported: “Mind-wandering is an excellent predictor of people’s happiness. In fact, how often our minds leave the present is a better predictor of our happiness than the activities in which we’re engaged.” (https://www.inc.com/scott-mautz/harvard-study-47-percent-of-time-youre-doing-this-1-fixable-thing-that-kills-your-happiness.html)
When you aren’t present in the moment it’s likely that you feel more stress, more anxiety, and more general unhappiness.
I’m sure that you experience feelings of guilt for not being present in the moment with loved ones-
and that you might feel feelings like inadequacy and embarrassment when you’re not fully present at work.
These feeling untamed can lead to behaviors that are equally un desirable as well. Typically if we allow these feelings to carry themselves out we can get stuck in our feelings experiencing a decline in our motivation, productivity, connection, and authenticity.
When you notice that you’re not where you actually are you don’t have to feel badly for it!
This can be a cue that you can change course and self correct to be present and connected to where your feet are planted.
And here’s some more good news for you!
Practicing mindfulness allows us to let go of worry for the future or stress from the past and just be in the moment we are a part of.
You see, our brains are not great at multitasking.
So if you notice that you’re starting to feel worried about the future or have thoughts like what if or what about… those might be good cues for you to take notice and practice a mindfulness technique.
Noticing that our thoughts are not serving us, and spiraling into worry, fear, or stress can take us away from what is right in front of us and really get in the way of achieving happiness.
So the first step to being more mindful is: to just notice our thoughts.
And notice them without any judgment. Remember our brains are going to wander and we’re not a bad parent, partner, or employee if they do. We are actually exceptional for wanting to bring ourselves back to the moment we’re apart of!
Then, connect with your senses.
Connecting with any or all of our senses helps to ground our brains and bodies allowing us to stop the spiral of thoughts and allow us to just be.
The practice of mindfulness allows us to let go of judgment and rather just notice and be.
Here’s how you can connect with your senses:
1. Look around. Take a look around when you begin to notice that you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or worried.
Take a moment and look outside. Begin to notice what you can see around you. Look at things that are directly in front of you and scan further into the distance.
The more you practice scanning and taking in the sights the more you are re-wiring your brain to notice the small things. It is here you can then experience more feelings of awe and wonderment.
2. Listen. Stop and listen to the sounds around you.
Are you at home, what do you hear? Nothing? Isn’t that peaceful? Or do you hear the play of your little ones in the room next door-dare I say, actually getting along? Or are you at the office? What can you hear here? Stopping to take notice of the sounds around you that you might have had the ability to hear every day and never notices can enliven us and increase our curiosity for what else we might have been missing (Practicing this without judgment is essential).
3. Give it a whiff.
Our sense of smell is so very strong and can connect ground us to the present moment with ease. In the moment we try to connect with our sense of smell you can simply stop and smell what is around you. Maybe there is something cooking on the stove or the fresh scent of laundry you can actually relish in instead of anticipating the dread that will come soon for having to fold it all later. Maybe it’s as simple of getting into the habit of actually smelling your warm cup of joe instead of just going through the motions of your typical morning routine.
Intentionally incorporating smell into your day to feel more present when presented with stressful events can also be a healthy way to cope with stress and infuse more calm and connectedness for you and your mood. One favorite way I do this in my home is to give my pillow a little spritz of a favorite essential oil to promote relaxation and calmness. Truly a bedtime game-changer!
4. Hold hands.
Ohhh, the power of touch. Hold hands with your littles, hug your partner (really give ‘em a good squeeze!) , play with your fur babies’ hair, touch the baby’s tiny toes ….Don’t stop there on my account. Truly the power of touch is so powerful and such a great way to not only connect us with those we love (so needed right now) but really connect us to ourselves. Touch allows us to not only give love but also receive it and actually be present for it!
5. Taste.
This is your permission to actually slow down and taste what you are eating. Mindfully eating is not only a great way to question if we even like the junk we put into our mouths when we’re going through our day unintentionally. Giving yourself the permission to mindfully taste something at the end of your evening is also a great way to tell your brain to slow down and set the tone for a more connected and relaxed evening at home. Dove chocolates anyone?
My favorite thing about mindfulness is that we don’t have to chalk up our day to be a bad day because of a bad morning. You are the boss of your thoughts and you have the opportunity to change how you feel throughout the day no matter the circumstances.
Each moment is a new opportunity.
You are allowed to take each day moment by moment. I like to picture myself being mindful by literally hitting the reset button in my mind throughout the day, if needed, to continue to proceed mindfully and with intention.
Mindfulness can be a gift that allows you to feel more grounded and present; leaving you feeling more grateful and connected to the life you are actually living.
Stronger Therapeutic Counseling Services passionate helping individuals live their best lives. In addition to traditional therapy services we also offer Employee Wellness Services.
Our Employee Wellness Services are designed to support employees juggling that work and home life balance through workshops, coaching, and reviewing current systems to best support the mental health, self-care, and mindfulness of individuals and teams to be most efficient, productive, and happy both at work and at home.
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