?!?Making plans to connect with friends again seems like a quick and simple way to boost your happiness however; it can sometimes be not as fulfilling as you’d hope for.
Prior to COVID-19, life seemed to almost never slow down enough for us to actually make the plans and put a night out with the girls on the calendar.
Even when we would make the commitment to get out and meet up with friends we’ve been longing to see connections still sometimes felt inauthentic or less fulfilling than hoped for.
Understanding that human beginnings crave relationships and that relationships are built from authentic shared experiences, it is important to talk actually talk about those experiences when together with your girls and do all you can to avoid the small talk that doesn’t deepen the connection you might be craving these days.
When planning to go out and re-connect with your closest friends it will be important to plan for that night out. Don’t just show up and let the conversation take over. Plan to have some topics that you want to share, some experiences that you want to shed light on, or some support you’re looking to receive for from your best gals. Not planning ahead can allow our brain to just chat away the evening about topics that are relatable or neutral but not really significant or fulfilling.
The deeper the bond the more connected you’ll feel to each other and the more inner fullness you’ll feel as a result.
“Friendship begins when one person says to another: ‘What? You too?
I thought I was the only one.’ “
– C.S. Lewis
To help avoid getting hung up with time wasters and be more mindful of the opportunity to really engage and connect with your best gals, we want to share with you 5 tips to enhance the connections between you and your girlfriends to truly soak them in and deepen the bonds of your friendships even stronger.
Tip # 1: Think ahead
Typically carving out some time to spend time with friends, is not usually a spur of the moment type thing. Especially now that we are moving into phases that allow for more social distancing, it’s likely that you’ve waited months for these interactions to finally take place.
Before getting together, spend some time thinking about what your friends have been going through and what questions you have for them. Maybe one of your girlfriends announced a pregnancy and you haven’t really been able to revel and marvel in the amazingness of what she is experiencing. Maybe someone just moved and you want to hear all about the experience from packing up and leaving their first home to shopping online to make all of the purchases for new decor in their new home.
Consider writing notes of conversation questions on your phone of topics you’d like to check in on or discuss a few days leading up to the event. Shooting a friend a quick text before the date, with a quick message to say something like, “I can’t wait to talk to you tonight about…” This way your friend will be sure to bring it up, and knows that you’re interested in hearing all about their latest adventure!
It’s also important to think about when you might be asked the question, “what’s new?” and how you’ll reply. Nothing falls flatter on a conversation, when your response is, “not much” or “same ole”. This is especially true if everyone around the table says this response siting quarantine or COVID that has limited anything exciting in their lives to take place.
Be prepared to share with your friends what’s really been new with you. Think about it ahead of time and be prepared to share what you’ve been up to, what you’ve learned about yourself during quarantine (hello-how strong are you, for being a remote working mom and home school teacher!), what you’ve missed the most, or what you’re looking forward to as things are opening back up again, and of course in the spirit of keeping your conversations authentic and real-share what you’ve been nervous about, or what’s really been on your mind and bothering you!
Tip #2: Talk to yourself
No matter what you are about to do, it’s important to be in the right mindset!
Before your meeting with friends think about all the distraction type conversations that can take away from your time shared and then-get that distraction out of your body before you even arrive! On your drive to meet up, talk to yourself about all the things on your mind that can be considered a conversation distraction! Maybe you’re feeling frustrated that you left the house a disaster, or that your partner was running super late causing you to have to rush to get out the door, or the kids had their wine-est day ever and you almost wanted to call the night in before even leaving the house!
Talk about it to yourself out loud in the car. Go ahead (in a world of blue tooth, no one will be the wiser)! Say to yourself how annoyed you’re feeling, or what a crazy day you just had. Then after you get all of it out- you can focus and remind yourself about what you want to really catch up on with your friends!
Then, set an intention for yourself for how you want to show up and feel while with your friends. This simple step can help prep your brain to follow the path that you desire in your heart. An intention to say out loud to yourself could be as simple as, “ I will give and accept love tonight.”
Tip #3: Share
Share! That’s what you’ve been waiting for right?! Time with your girlfriends should be spent sharing sharing about what’s really on your mind, what you’re going through, what you’re looking forward to and what you’re excited about! Isn’t this the stuff that we really love and need to talk about anyway! You feel your closest in friendships when you share about yourself and they share in return. Sharing about all of life’s experiences, (the good, the bad, and the ugly) allow for you and your friends to really connect with one another and step up, to step in when you might need each other the most! Going through life (during the good times and the bad) is always easier and more enjoyable with a friend by your side! (No one can be there for you, if they don’t know what you’re going through!)
Tip #4: Listen
Have you ever had a conversation with someone and knew that they were just waiting for their chance to jump in and share about themselves!?!? Or worse— spent time talking with a friend and they don’t even respond after you’re finished sharing and you’re left feeling like you were just sharing your deepest self to a wall?! Not only can that be super annoying and frustrating, but what it really tells you is that they weren’t listening to you!
The best part about friendship is feeling that you’re being heard and that your friend understands you. To feel this way, you have to listen! Listening isn’t just something we say to our kiddos when we want them to follow our directions rather; it is a required skill for holding a conversation. Listen actively when you’re engaged in conversations with your friends- Ask questions, reflect on what you just heard, and then respond to what you just heard! Holding conversations that include active listening will not only deepen your conversation but it will also leave you feeling cared for.
Tip #5: Stay connected
We are so lucky that in today’s world we have so many ways to stay connected with our friends! It’s super easy to have a quick check-in with a friend to let them know that you’re thinking of them! Checking in with friends doesn’t have to require a lot of planning or thought. It can be as simple as making a phone date, sending a quick text, slipping in a short email during your workday, or fun message through social media. The best way to stay connected is to be genuine and personal! Make that little connection count and feel special! 🙂
When our friends reach out, and let us know that they’ve been thinking of us or want to hear all about the latest updates from our life-doesn’t that make your day?!?
We hope that you feel inspired to begin connecting with your friendships in ways to truly strengthen them and feel more fulfilled as a result.
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Stronger Therapeutic Counseling Services feels most passionate helping women live their best lives. In addition to traditional therapy services we also offer short term personal development coaching.
We offer coaching services to moms juggling work and home life by teaching how to be present and manage their mindset.
We know that if you’ve got something on your mind it can bleed into the relationships you value the most. Talking out what’s on your mind and considering new mindsets to adopt can be all the difference.
If you’d like to talk out a specific plan to feel confident, authentic, and fulfilled when re-connecting with your friendships we’d love to connect with you.
Click here to send us a quick message and set up a time to begin the conversation.