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Overwhelm is just a feeling. It is a feeling that makes us feel nutty inside, as if our thoughts are firing off like fireworks, and we cannot seem to focus on just one. Feeling overwhelmed causes us to feel stuck, unable to move forward, or see any solutions that make sense to calm us down or find motivation to get started.
What makes this feeling stick around? Why is it so difficult to move through it calmly and start to feel motivated, productive, and optimistic again?
Usually, it’s because we like it.
Yup, you read that right!
We like feeling overwhelmed.
Let me clarify for a minute. It’s not that we love feeling stuck, confused, or unable to find solutions to move us forward, BUT the feeling of being overwhelmed serves us.
Think about that for a minute.
Feeling overwhelmed gives us a break; it recognizes that we have too much on our plates and that things feel out of control. Feeling overwhelmed allows us to feel bad for ourselves and give into the stress we are feeling. It validates that we are having a difficult time and that things might feel unbalanced for our norm. Feeling overwhelmed allows us to give ourselves the compassion we think we need or deserve. Allowing ourselves to feel overwhelmed also serves us with a reason or justification for why we might not be acting like our typical happy, patient selves.
Let me go over a few examples with you.
Let’s picture for a moment that you are starting your Monday off super busy. After attending just one morning meeting somehow you’ve just been assigned to take on two new projects. Your thoughts immediately focus in on the existing deadlines for other responsibilities that are also quickly approaching and require your attention.
This can feel overwhelming.
We might have thoughts like:
· How can I get all this done and stay on top of all the other things I’m responsible for?
· When I am going to have time to do all of this?
· Where do I even start now?
· This is way too much for anyone to do.
· Of course I’m not getting anything done, I have too much to do and don’t know where to start.
Do any of those thoughts sound familiar?
As a working mother, wife, sister, friend, and human being…our obligations don’t just end when we leave the office of course. We all very well know, all of the other daily pressures that we experience add to our existing feelings of being overwhelmed.
Picture yourself then walking into the house after driving home from that long stressful Monday and your husband asks, “Don’t we have any more milk? Did you forget to buy it?”
Now you’re probably thinking:
· Are you kidding me?
· Do you know that I remembered 500 other things, so excuse me for forgetting the milk.
· You have two legs go ahead and go get some milk from the store if you want it so bad!
· I am going to punch you in the face if you ask me one more time about that stupid milk!
Ever been there…no? Just me?
Well, if you haven’t been there exactly, but predict something similar happening in your future; I’d love to teach you a few tips on how to recognize that the feeling of being overwhelmed is taking a front seat in your life, and it is not a happy passenger to have around. I’ll also share with you 2 tips on how to move through this feeling and get back on your A game.
What overwhelm does to us
Typically when we allow the feeling of being overwhelmed to play a role in our lives, we experience a shorter fuse for our everyday tasks and interactions…and that’s because this feeling is feeding our thoughts in negative ways. The feeling keeps us thinking that no one understands, or we have it worse than others. So instead of moving past it, we are letting it live.
We don’t intentionally choose to allow negative thoughts and behaviors to overtake us. However, in order to cope and get some peace from all of the negative thoughts that feel like angry bees swarming around in our heads we just react and then typically apologize and offer justification for what’s been going on in our heads and the terrible attitudes that spew out of us!
Last I checked, no one wants to feel like this. Right?
If this sounds all too familiar and you are fed up with feeling resentful, unproductive, frustrated, and stressed, I’d encourage you to do some thought work.
Start to think about your own thoughts and think about how they make you feel and behave. Do they hold you back or move you in the direction you want to be living in?
If you’re tired of letting the feeling of being overwhelmed wreak havoc on your temper, patience, and relationships, all you have to do is change your thoughts.
Sooo, here’s how you can change your thoughts!
Start by recognizing that overwhelm is just a feeling. This sounds simple so far, right? Well that’s because it is. Don’t get me wrong though this process won’t be easy, the process will be simple.
Acknowledging this feeling allows us the key to decide. We can decide if we need to live here for a little while longer, or if we’ve had enough of living in our own pity party and are ready to start moving forward.
When we’re ready to start moving:
Next you’ll have to identify the thoughts that you have as a result of this feeling. Understanding that everything starts with a thought is how we can get that sense of control back. To do this I’d encourage you to write all of the overwhelming thoughts that you have down on paper(be careful not to write down how you feel but rather just the thoughts that are in your head). Like the examples I wrote down above related to my husband asking about the milk. 😉
Then begin to shift these negative thoughts to something more positive or optimistic. Our brain is just like a computer. If you feed it negativity, it will respond with negativity. If you feed your brain with positivity, it will respond with positivity (this can be the most difficult step in the whole process).
So next to each negative thought you have written down, write down something positive to replace it.
These positive thoughts need to be something you believe to be true, or can be true. We can’t trick our brains into feeling better. Our brains are smart; they really need to believe the positivity that you are trying to feed them.
Let me give you an example of what I mean.
Let’s say my overwhelming thought is, “No one understands how much I have on my plate; it’s just too much.”
Then I try to replace it with something positive like “Even if no one understands all of the stress I have on my plate, I can get through it because I have done tough things in the past.”
This positive statement is helpful, but if you’re like me, your brain might not believe it. You might need for someone to get you and understand how you’re feeling. You might feel overwhelmed and isolated with all of the stress so trying to just ignore it wouldn’t be something your brain would be able to do.
Sooo….give yourself a statement you and your brain can actually believe. Something like “I should tell my husband all about my stressful day tonight and that will help to get all of my stress out, then I’ll be able to make a list of where to start first when I get back to work in the morning.”
See the difference there!
It takes a little bit of work to get to a positive statement that your brain can believe, but trust me it is worth it! Feeding your brain positive thoughts about your feelings gives you control and helps to move through the feeling and not stay stuck!
If you’d like more practice with this type of thought work, I have created a tool for you to try out!
Click here and try it out on your own. When you’re just not feelin’ it, it can be hard to get motivated, feel productive, and happy. I hope that this tool will give you the practice you might need to start feeding your braining with more positive thoughts and pushing through that nasty feeling of overwhelm with ease! 🙂